


Midnight City Madness

by FH14



Series: Andy's Spooky Halloween Stories [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Midnight City, F/M, Halloween
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-21 20:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2481179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FH14/pseuds/FH14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he began living with the Midnight Crew, Karkat had gotten used to a lot of weird things happening. An alien girl falling out of the sky was not one of those things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friday the 13th

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place in an alternate universe where Karkat is a citizen of Midnight City and lives as a ward of the Midnight Crew. For all intents and purposes, Jade's background is the same as it is in canon.
> 
> Thank you so much to my awesome beta [friggingodess](http://danielgirl15.tumblr.com/) for going above and beyond and making this actually readable. This is my first time ever writing Homestuck so I apologize in advance if anything seems out of character. I tried my best!

If there was one thing Karkat Vantas hated, it was dealing with messes.

Of course, the universe knew this all too well, and threw messes his way any chance it could. The situation that landed him in the custody of the Midnight Crew was a mess. The hellhole of a city they all lived in was a mess. The futon he slept on was surrounded by a mess.

If it was just the mess part, Karkat could find some way to deal with it. But ultimately, it would somehow become his responsibility to clean up everyone else's messes.

Ideally, he would just sit at the secretary's desk, answering phone calls with the rhythmic inquiry _You've reached the office of Spades Slick. How may I redirect your call?_ Never mind that it was completely ridiculous that someone like Spades Slick would have a secretary. Trouble was more likely to stumble in unannounced - screaming and bleeding - than call ahead and schedule an appointment.

But Karkat's fantasy of reading the latest romance novel while essentially sitting at his desk was for naught. Because the desk was gross. And so was the office. And so was the rest of the building. And not that familiar kind of gross where furniture utilizing slime was tastefully utilized. But rather, garbage cans filled with empty takeout cartons and bloodstains on the walls with no discernible origin.

None of this mess was in the meeting room though. Spades Slick considered himself a classy man and no such substances would ever stain the surfaces of that room. It wasn't as nice as any given space belonging to the Felt, but that was just as well. The last thing needed here were comparisons to the Felt.

And it was the Felt that Karkat blamed for the problem that barreled into his life on Thursday, October 12th. Of course, Karkat learned long ago to blame all his problems on the Felt, through the fatherly guidance of Spades Slick.

"Those motherfuckers!"

The shouting was familiar to Karkat, and it was only when Spades left the meeting room and walked up to his desk that he paid it any mind. He glanced up from his book long enough to see that his guardian was only slightly more infuriated than usual. "What's wrong now?"

"Those assholes are smuggling something. No idea what. But they're in the smuggling game and I don't like it. They could be smuggling weapons. Or uncomfortable pictures of men with mustaches, knowing those idiots. But still, _smuggling_."

"Do you want me to make some phone calls?"

"Make it fast. I want to strike before midnight tonight. Tomorrow it'll be Friday the 13th and shit always gets weird in this city on that day."

Karkat grimaced, remembering the giant sentient grandfather clock all too well. No one thought Spades would survive that shock. It was a good thing Clubs Deuce's arsenal was more all-encompassing than many thought necessary.

"Oh, and after you do that we got a package apparently. It needs to be picked up at the delivery office. You have the account info."

"Got it," Karkat scowled. He hated the delivery office. It took too long and the guy at the counter smelled like feet. Grumbling, he reached for the phone and dialed an all too familiar string of numbers.

"Yo, Sollux, are you there? Answer you asshole!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. What's wrong now?"

Karkat could hear the yawning on the other end of the phone and it just made him even more irritated. "What makes you think something's wrong? I could be calling for a pleasant afternoon chat because I am a fucking delight!"

"Oh," Sollux paused. "So you wanna chat?"

"No, I have an issue. Listen up," Karkat spat, before diving into an explanation of the smuggling rumor.

"I see. Well, I have a few places I could look. But it's entirely possible that they're running this racket completely offline. If that's the case there's not much I can do."

"That's fine. Just send me what you can." Karkat sighed, rubbing his temples. "I gotta go run errands. I should be back in a couple of hours."

"You owe me dude."

"Yeah, I’ll write you a check."

"Wow, that was clich-" Sollux managed to get out before Karkat hung up. Now it was time to deal with the living hell that was the Midnight City mail system.

* * *

Back when Karkat was younger, the city apparently has a much more competent individual as the head of the post office system. Unfortunately for everyone, she found love in a sensational fashion that Karkat found delightfully enticing and left the position to a succession of incompetent meatheads.

Karkat suspected the current meathead was a member of the Felt, because it took even longer than usual to pick up the package. The teller was even more incompetent that usual.

“He should just get his mail delivered like a normal person.” Karkat muttered as he stepped out onto the street.

No sooner had he looked for traffic than he felt a heavy weight knock the air out of him. Gasping, he turned over and saw someone – a girl it looked like – lying in a heap next to him.

“What… the… hell…” he gasped, catching his breath and standing back up. “Why did you do that?”

The girl on the ground groaned in response.

“Hey, I asked you…” Karkat began, turning her over so he could see her face. He stopped short, staring with a mixture of wonder and bewilderment.

The girl didn’t look like any creature Karkat had ever known to inhabit Midnight City. Her skin was light, but very different from the white chess people. On her head was a mane of hair similar to his own, only longer and messier. She wore glasses – something that only a handful of the city’s many inhabitants found necessary. Her clothing was much lighter than what was considered normal, and her teeth were shaped differently too.

Karkat blinked and resumed shaking her, “Hey are you okay? Wake up already.”

“Please… stop that.” The girl coughed, opening her eyes. “I… Wha… Who are you? Where am I?”

“You’re lying in the road.” Karkat asked, thankful that one of the many ugly cars that roamed the streets wasn’t around to run them over. “Let’s get on the sidewalk.”

“Sidewalk?  Road?” The girl asked in a groggy voice, accepting Karkat’s help in moving out of the road. “The island doesn’t have those things…”

“Island? What are you talking about?” Karkat asked, his patience rapidly running out. “There aren’t any islands around here.”

“Yeah there is. I’m on one… or I was just on one. Why are you gray?”

“Why are you tan?”

“I spend time in the sun. Are you gray because you’re sick? Is it body paint? And what’s with the candy corn horns?”

“Big talk for someone who was just lying in the street,” Karkat snapped, “I’m perfectly fine, thank you. And I naturally look like this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to deliver this dumb package to this angry guy for god knows what reason.”

Before the girl could respond, Karkat promptly turned around and grabbed the package where he had dropped it and marched away from this completely bullshit situation.

Or at least he thought he did. It wasn’t for a couple of blocks that he realized there were footsteps that echoed his own.

“What the fuck?” Karkat hissed, turning around to see the girl tailing him a few feet away like some kind of hungry stray.

“Sorry. It’s just… I don’t know where I am. And I did wake up in the street, so wouldn’t it be the nice thing to do to help me figure out what’s going on?”

“I don’t have time to be nice. I have to do stuff and get paid an obscenely low amount of money.”

“Where am I?”

Karkat sighed. His usual demeanor clearly wasn’t enough to get rid of this one, “Looks like we’re downtown near the south bridge? That good enough?”

“No, I mean, what city am I in?”

Karkat blinked, but the girl in front of him still looked as earnest as ever. “Midnight City.”

“Umm… sorry where is Midnight City located?” the girl asked again, looking less composed and more alarmed.

“Look, do you wanna come home with me and call someone to come get you?” Karkat asked, reaching the end of his rope.

The girl brightened considerably. “I live alone, but there is someone I can call. Thanks!”

“Whatever,” Karkat mumbled, letting the stray follow him home.

* * *

For once, Karkat was relieved that the Midnight Crew was inside the meeting room when he returned.

As soon as he began punching in the access code, the girl was up in his face asking questions about the city and himself personally - neither of which he felt particularly keen on answering, considering he knew nothing about her. For all he knew, she was a spy sent by the Felt to gain information.

Though if that were the case, she would have been the best actress ever. The Felt would sooner shoot her than hire someone so clearly out of their element to do their dirty work.

"Karkat! You're back! Did you bring us anything good?" Clubs asked, facing the doorway from his vantage point at the card table.

"Yeah, he got a pack- who the hell is that?" Spades stood up and pointed a finger accusingly at the girl. "Why is she in here?"

"She's lost apparently. Because I'm such a standup guy I thought I'd help her find her way home," Karkat responded, reasoning that he was technically telling the truth.

"My name is Jade. Jade Harley," the girl said confidently, though she still sounded a bit unsure.

"That's a weird name," Spades replied, still glaring at her. "I'm Spades Slick, and these are my associates Hearts Boxcars, Diamonds Droog, and Clubs Deuce. And you already know my assistant Karkat Vantas."

"Secretary, hah!" Karkat barked back, "More like your maid. If it wasn't for me, your ass would be swimming in garbage right now."

"Fine then. If you're my maid, I want you to wear a maid outfit. It's regulation."

"Fuck off you jug with legs."

"What is happening here?" Jade asked.

"Prattle," Hearts sniped. "Both of you, knock it off. We have to figure out what to do with this chick."

"She's clearly a mole for the Felt. Let's stab her!" Diamonds said.

"Or we could not do that and figure out if she's shady or not," Spades said, "I don't want us to get a reputation for not being fair."

"Who would spread that around?" Clubs asked curiously.

"Please, you all know Karkat is like an old fishwife."

"Enough!" Karkat yelled. "If you wanna interrogate her that badly, then fine, let's interrogate her. Someone get some rope."

"I just remembered, I need to go," Jade muttered, turning around to run out the door. She would have made it had Diamonds not thrown the book at her. The book being some of Clubs' hunk romp.

“Someone grab some rope,” Spades sighed, picking up the filthy smut and violently flinging it back at Diamonds Droog.

* * *

The interrogation proved less that fruitful. Diamonds wanted Hearts to bite her head off, but everyone, even Hearts, insisted this would be counterproductive and a massive waste of resources and time. Overall, by the time Spades was too tired to continue, all they had learned was that Jade was from somewhere very unlike here where there were disappearing pumpkins and dark rooms where you wouldn’t get shanked with ridiculously over-decorated weaponry.

Well that, and she had fists of fury, as each of their faces found out when they untied her. 

“What the hell is wrong with you assholes?” Jade screamed, punching Diamonds again in retaliation for his earlier suggestion.

“We consider ourselves thorough,” Hearts mused, nursing his swollen cheek.

“What would you have done had an alien just randomly shown up at your house?” Karkat argued, “Because for all intents and purposes, that’s what you are.”

“Not. That.” Jade hissed, before walking over to the nearby futon and collapsing on it, “My wrists hurt.”

After a bit of hushed muttering over whether or not they should just shoot her, the midnight crew filed out one by one to go to bed, until Karkat was the only one left in the room with her.

“So, are you staying or..?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to do now do I?” Jade snapped.

“I guess not,” Karkat muttered, before silently leaving the room.

* * *

“Oh dude no.”

“Don’t ‘dude no’ me you douche,” Karkat said into the microphone. “I had no idea who she was or what she wanted. It was personally reasonable that she was a member of the Felt.”

Sollux snorted, “You didn’t know my deal when you met me.”

“I knew you were the biggest nerd douche to ever walk the streets the moment I met you.”

Their bickering lasted a few more minutes, aided by the spectacular display of the large monitor mounted on the wall of Karkat’s bedroom. Karkat talked a lot of smack about the Midnight Crew, but he will admit that they did manage to snag some sweet ass stuff every once in a while. The monitor in question was a replacement provided by Hearts after he accidentally broke the original computer’s monitor.

Karkat would never admit it, but his arguments with Sollux were a lot more fun in high definition.

"Whatever, we'll get back to Jade in a minute," Sollux sighed. "I did some digging, and the tip you guys got may be legit."

"May be?"

"I can't be certain, but there are deliveries coming into one area under Felt control with very vague cargo descriptions. Unfortunately the records in this city are crap, so I don't have any precise delivery times, only certain windows when they're probably happening."

"Honestly, that's more than I expected. Thanks," Karkat paused, "Well?"

"Yeah, you're not getting shit until we hash out this Jade situation."

"We already did. I told you what happened, you reacted badly, and we moved on to business. Same as usual."

"No, I mean what do you plan on doing with her now?"

"Now? Well..." Karkat crossed his arms. "Whatever Spades wants to do with her I suppose. She's ornery and unconscious on the couch downstairs."

"Wait, she's free and she's voluntarily staying with you guys? After everything that happened?"

"She's smart enough to know that being alone in this city at night is probably not the best thing."

"Still though..."

"Look. I have no idea who she is or what she wants. All we really know is that she's probably not a member of the Felt."

"Maybe you should just, I don't know, ask her?"

Karkat starred at the screen, "If I ask her will you give me the rest of the info?"

Sollux smirked, "Yeah sure. Let me know how it goes and I'll give you times and locations. Just... do it sooner rather than later. This stuff is time sensitive."

"I'll do it in the morning. 'Night, you douche."

"Goodnight, princess."

* * *

The morning of Friday the 13th was an unpleasant experience for most residents of Midnight City. Going back to a superstition that no one knew or cared to remember, the city's worst came out from the metaphorical sewers to wreck shit for everyone else – occasionally taking the form of a large bonfire or an instance of science gone horribly wrong.

And seeing how the Midnight Crew and the Felt were sewer adjacent, those mornings were especially heinous for Karkat Vantas.

For example, when he got downstairs, Diamonds Droog was dumping all of his assorted weaponry everywhere so that he could to pick out which ones would be best utilized for whatever horrifying activity he had planned. Hearts Boxcars was reading some kind of obnoxiously large schematic, and Spades Slick was pouring the world's largest cup of coffee into the garbage.

Okay, the last thing was actually a bit unusual and very infuriating.

"Hey, pops, what's the deal?" Karkat asked, in a much worse mood than usual.

"I forgot that that shit peddler outside sells gross coffee on Friday the 13th. I sent Clubs to go blow up his kiosk."

Sure enough, and explosion followed by a blood-curdling scream could be heard coming from outside.

"Fantastic," Karkat groaned. "I should have a briefing for you on what the Felt's up to in about an hour. I just need to take care of something first."

Spades mumbled something incoherent and threw a disgusting looking pastry in the trash as well.

Leaving his caretakers to their nonsense, he walked into the meeting room and found a very disheveled Jade sitting up on the couch.

"I'm still here," She hissed, "Why am I still here?"

"It’s Friday the 13th. The day is only going to get worse." Karkat said, sitting in one of the chairs near her, "Like a normal Tuesday around here, only with more burning kiosks and a higher douchebag count."

"Seems about right. Well, except for the kiosk thing."

"No, I mean there's a literally a burning kiosk outside right now. You probably shouldn't leave the building for a while."

Jade gave him an annoyed look before surveying her own appearance. "Do you guys have a shower?"

"We have a tub."

"Good enough. Can I use it?"

Karkat nodded, "It's off the kitchen. Avoid going into the sitting area."

Jade got up and silently exited the room. Karkat remained seated, already smelling the burnt eggs that Spades was trying to make for a replacement breakfast.

* * *

By the time Jade was done with her bath, Karkat had managed to put out the small grease fire Spades had started and make everyone eggs that were actually edible. Without saying anything, she grabbed a plate and began helping herself to some food.

"So, um, do you have any hobbies?" Karkat asked, breaking the silence.

Jade put down her spork and stared at him in exasperation. The Midnight Crew gave him similar looks. After an excruciating minute of silence Jade finally responded. "A few things. Like cartoons, animals, and guns."

Diamonds Droog dropped his spork,. "Did you say guns?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a ton of guns! Wanna see them?"

"Sure," Jade shrugged, pushing her empty plate away and leaving the room with him. Karkat groaned. This is not what he had in mind.

"So, um, why do you even care?" Spades asked, eying him suspiciously.

"Um, because I care about things?  Hell, you care about things too! Like destroying the Felt. And besides, it wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye on her, just making sure she isn’t a member of the Felt."

"Mmmm, yes," Spades nodded, apparently content with this explanation.

The stimulating conversation was interrupted by a gunshot blowing a large, gaping hole in the wall separating the living room and the kitchen.

"Damnit you assholes! I just cleaned in here!" Karkat yelled, as Diamonds and Jade wiped dust off of themselves.

"Hey don't look at me," Jade said, stepping through the hole and pointing back at Diamonds, "He's the one who got trigger-happy and didn't have the safety on."

"I don't own guns because I want to be safe," Diamonds retorted.

"Whatever, I don't care. I'm not fixing that!We're gonna live with the hole in that wall!" Karkat yelled. Before anyone could reply, he turned around and stomped back into his bedroom

* * *

"While I love our chats and everything, you do know that I have a life too, right?"

"What life? You stay at home all day, typing on your computer and rubbing your bulge to pictures of honeybees. Just tell me what I need to know."

Sollux sighed, adjusting his glasses. "Well, I guess you did try to talk to her. Fine. I’ll tell you. For the past week, there have been nightly shipments coming in by boat. I can't pinpoint where they're from, only that they're not standard shipping sizes. What really tipped me off though is that the shipments tend to come in at night, maybe a couple of hours after sundown? But by the time the warehouse opens again in the morning, they're not there anymore."

"So they're transporting them at night. Fantastic," Karkat groaned. "Anything else?"

"Just one thing. According to the itinerary I found, the ship that’s delivering these packages is only scheduled to make one last shipment... tonight."

"TONIGHT!?" Karkat yelled, "It's fucking Friday the 13th! So the only way to see what the Felt is up to is to go down to the docks, at night, on Friday the 13th?"

"Yeah..."

"Fuck," Karkat swore. "This day could not get any worse."

* * *

"I was so fucking wrong," Karkat murmured to himself, shifting in the back seat of the old van that Hearts had stolen a few months ago from a junkyard.

The Midnight Crew's reaction had been roughly the same as Karkat's. While it wasn't unheard of for the Felt to get up to mischief on a Friday the 13th, it had never been anything as brazen as this.

"But that means we can't afford to let this go," Spades said, slamming his fist on the table. "If they're willing to make this pickup on Friday the 13th of all days, then it must be above and beyond anything they've ever done before."

And with that, the Midnight Crew spent the entire day planning a stakeout at the warehouse. Karkat normally wouldn't have minded, except that it meant that he would spend long stretches of awkward silence alone with Jade, who looked more miserable by the hour. Early in the afternoon she asked to use the phone, and decided to take a nap when she couldn't reach whoever she was trying to call.

It wasn't until everyone was piled into the van that he found out he was essentially acting as Jade's babysitter.

"I don't need a babysitter,” Jade sighed. “I'll just stay out of the way. I don't know what's going on and I don't wanna be killed.”

"Can't take that risk," Diamonds explained. "Besides, it'll be nice having someone who knows how to use a gun partnered with Karkat for once."

"I can use it!” Karkat yelled back. “I just don't want to."

"Will you all shut up!” Spades shouted as the van made a couple of hissing noises and began spitting out dark exhaust fumes. “We need to be stealthy."

"And it’s not like you'll be out in the field or anything," Clubs Deuce pointed out, "You'll mostly just be guarding the van and be on standby in case we need to make a quick getaway."

"I hate being the fifth wheel," Karkat muttered to himself, "Always guarding the fucking van."

By the time they reached the docks and when they finally managed to locate the right warehouse, the sun already set and the sky was pitch black.

Spades jumped out of the car and readied his weapon, "Okay, we split into teams. Whatever you do, do not keep the motor running fuckwad."

"I know the drill by now," Karkat said, "Just go do this."

Spades and Clubs went through the south entrance. A few minutes later, Hearts and Diamonds each took their tactical positions on the other side of the building.

"So, is this gonna be a shootout or..?" Jade asked, jumping into the front seats along with Karkat to escape the loose springs.

"I doubt it. More likely they'll maim some lackeys inside or burn the whole building down."

"You seem pretty bored by all this," Jade said, "Aren’t you even a little excited?"

"That's because for you, it's all new and different. I mean, if we were on your island just hanging out, day after day of the same thing, would you be excited?"

"Well, having company besides Bec would be exciting, but otherwise yeah, I get your point."

Karkat frowned. "Who’s Bec?"

"Bec is my dog. He's looked after me ever since my grandfather died when I was little," Jade smiled, "He's a really pretty dog and really, really smart! I hope he's doing okay. I wish there was some way I could tell him where I was."

Karkat stared at Jade and nodded slowly. "I mean, I could try and help you find some way to do that but... um... what's a dog?"

"Um... I'm not really sure how to describe it... like, it’s a furry creature that’s around the size of Diamonds’ duffel bag that kinda just hangs out in your house?"

"That's weird."

"We're helping burn down a warehouse and you think dogs are weird?"

"Touché."

Karkat could hear intermittent shouting and some kind of crash coming from inside the warehouse.

"Sounds like that’s going well," Karkat mused.

"How did you end up with these guys anyway?" Jade asked, "I mean, you're all kinda mean and unpleasant, but you're markedly less so."

"Thanks," Karkat sneered. "It's a long story, but the cliffnotes version is that there was a scheme, the scheme fell apart, I fell in with this weird crowd, and it just kinda stuck."

"That's incredibly vague."

Karkat smirked, "The situation was kinda a mess. I don't like dwelling on it, but yeah. I'm not biologically related to any of them. I have a couple of friends who look like me, though. Our tech connection is one of them. He's not keen on leaving his house though."

Jade smiled and nodded. "I have friends like that too, though they're too far away to visit in person."

"Maybe after this, we can drag Sollux out of his apartment by force."

"Sollux is a weird name."

"He's a weird troll."

"Is that what you are? A troll?"

Before Karkat could respond, the shouting in the warehouse started up again, only this time it hit Karkat in an unpleasantly familiar way.

"Fuck. They're in trouble."

"What?" Jade asked, staring in alarm at the building, "How can you tell?"

"I've reached such a low point in my life I can tell just from hearing what their yelling sounds like."

"Yikes."

"Okay," Karkat cracked his knuckles. "I'm thinking... drive the van in and run over whoever's giving them trouble?"

"That could work, but there's no guarantee that they'd be on the warehouse floor..." Jade frowned, looking around and focusing something in the back and glancing up at sun roof. "Hey, does this thing open?"

"I doubt it. This van is a piece of shit. You could probably break it though- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

“You drive. I’ll shoot,” Jade grinned, standing precariously on one of the backseats and hoisting a gun over her shoulder.

Brushing broken glass out of his hair, Karkat started the van. “Don’t get yourself impaled on glass. This van is gross enough as it is.”

“No prob-whoa” Jade lost her balance and gripped the side of the car as Karkat spun towards the warehouse entrance.

“Ready?” Karkat yelled, revving the gas.

Jade steadied herself, “Ready!”

Flooring the gas, Karkat sent the van speeding through the warehouse gates. As soon as they were in, Karkat thanked the horrorterrors that the entire building was pretty well-lit.

“Not very low-key,” He muttered to himself, making a sharp turn around some large shipping crates, and coming across what appeared to be a standoff.

Hearts, Diamonds, and Clubs were each tied up in a cartoonish fashion with Felt lackeys pointing colorful guns at them. Next to them stood Snowman, one of the Felt’s top agents, who had her gun trained on Spades. The latter of whom just so happened to be facing away from the massive speeding car.

“Move it asshole!” Karkat yelled out. Above him, Jade began firing rounds, one hitting the closest lackey directly in the… entire body.

“You’re using slime bullets? Are you freaking kidding me?” Karkat yelled. The henchman is question was now struggling to get free from a gooey substance that exploded all over him once the bullet made contact.

“We don’t have to kill them,” Jade shouted back, peppering bullets at the other henchmen now scattered around the Warehouse. Their concentration broken, Spades and Snowman ducked out of the way of the van and disappeared in the fray of bodies and boxes.

“Keep shooting!” Karkat yelled, violently guiding the van in the direction he had last seen Snowman going.

Jade shot a couple of more henchmen, “Are we looking for someone in particular?”

“That woman who was pointing a gun at Slick.”

“I don’t see her!” Jade shouted, hitting a couple of more henchmen. “I think she’s in the wind!”

“Shit,” Karkat swore, slamming on the breaks. Jade slipped and fell back into the car, blowing off a side door in the process.

* * *

“I almost had her…” Spades muttered, sulking while Karkat and Jade untied the rest of the Midnight Crew.

“No you didn’t. She had the upper hand.” Karkat replied.

“I almost had her!”

“Nope. We saved your ass.”

Spades mumbled something to himself, before turning to one of the trapped Felt henchmen. “So what kind of racket do you guys have going on here? Drugs? Rare creatures? _Grandfather clocks_?”

“No, nothing like that,” The henchman croaked, shaking both from fear and effect of being encased in the weird bullet goo. “Take a look for yourself!”

Spades grabbed a crowbar and, after a few minutes of beating the henchman with it, went over to one of the boxes and opened it up.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Spades yelled, holding up one of the items. “Pumpkins?!”

“Weird way to transport pumpkins…” Jade murmured, watching Spades smash the gourd in anger.

“Are you sure that’s the right shipment?” Karkat asked.

“Sure I’m sure! I watched this box get loaded off the delivery boat myself! Right Clubs?” Spades yelled, smashing another pumpkin.

“Right!” Clubs chirped back.

“She was just screwing with me. And on this, the night of Friday the 13th!” Spades yelled, “I’ll get her for this!”

* * *

It turned out that Snowman had screwed them over worse than they thought.

By the time they left the marina, they were lost in a sea of the city’s misbegotten miscreants climbing on buildings and flinging objects at each other. In one areaa group was gathered and was burning an effigy of the old king that ruled over the land eons ago.

“We have to ditch the van.  It’s too shitty to make it through this mess,” Spades sighed, clearly exhausted.

Diamonds stopped beating those who passed by the exposed side door and simply jumped out, his cache of weaponry slung over his shoulder. “I’ll clear the path a little. You guys go ahead and burn the van. It’ll distract them.”

“Won’t it explode?” Jade asked, grabbing onto Karkat’s wrist, her hands clammy.

“Yeah, that’s why we have to run,” Karkat replied.

“I’m not sure that I can. My stomach hurts a lot,” Jade said, before gasping and doubling over in pain.

“What’s wrong?” Karkat yelled, noticing a stain on her shirt. Rolling it up a bit, he could see a nasty-looking wound, from what he assumed was a cut from glass. “Shit. I told you to be careful.”

“What’s the hold up?! I’m ready to burn this thing!” Spades yelled from outside the car. Hearts and Clubs were already gone, and the activities amongst those outside had turned considerably more violent.

“Just do it!” Karkat yelled, dragging Jade from the van on his back, “She’s hurt though.”

“What?” Spades shouted back. “Whatever, I’ll just fucking light it. You and the girl run back to the apartment. Once you hit Dusk Avenue, it should be okay.”

“Slick you moron!”

The flames did the trick. Many of those nearby stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at the burning van.

“Fuck, we need to go,” Karkat began dragging Jade away from the van, looking desperately around for Spades.

 _I have to get out of here before…_ Karkat thought in a panic. A little ways down the street, he could see where someone had broken into a small shop. There wasn’t anyone near there now. More than likely whoever had done it was now enjoying one of the fires.

“Karkat…” he heard Jade mumble.

“Hey Jade, listen to me,. On the count of three we’re going to run as fast as we can to that store over there. We’re gonna find some bandages, and then we’re gonna get back to the apartment. Got it?”

Jade nodded, clearly disoriented.

“Okay. One, two, _three_!”

Jade definitely wasn’t doing well, but she managed to keep pace with Karkat as he led her down the street and away from the burning wreckage of the van. _Stupid Slick and his stupid plans_ , Karkat thought to himself.

Just before they reached the storefront, Karkat heard an explosion and some yelling, followed by the feeling of heat rippling across their backs.

As fast as he could, Karkat essentially dragged Jade to the door. Throwing her arm over his shoulder, he lead her through the broken opening, making extra careful not to cut her even more on any broken glass.

The store was a pharmacy of some kind. Karkat led Jade down one of the aisles, setting her down on the floor out of view of the street.

“Stay here and be quiet, okay?”

Jade nodded, looking very pale.

Karkat ruffled around the shelves for a few minutes until he could find some gauze and ointment. Rushing back, he found Jade trying to stand up.

“Hey, I told you to stay put.”

“Yeah, but look. What is that?”

Karkat turned to where she was pointing, blinking at the lights from the unwashed outside. "What do you mean? There's nothing over there! Don't tell me you're so hurt you're hallucinating?"

"I'm not... hallucinating. Something's there."

"We need to get you bandaged up," Karkat insisted, trying to get her to sit down.

"But Karkat-"

"I don’t want you to die here. And if we leave you with a gaping dirty wound, that could happen. So shut up and let me bandage you so we can get the fuck out of here!"

Jade crossed her arms and slid back down onto the floor. "Okay. Fine."  
  
The two sat in silence as Karkat cleaned her wound.

"It's not too bad. The bandages should be enough. Though you'll have to be off your feet for a couple of days..."

"That won't be an issue. I sleep a lot anyway." Jade stared down at the wound as Karkat began bandaging it. "Hey, how do you know this stuff anyway?"

"I work with the Midnight Crew. This kind of thing happens all the time."  
  
Jade leaned back against the shelf. "That’s pretty cool…"

Karkat stopped his work and looked up at her. "You're bleeding on the floor, of a store we broke into, during Friday the 13th. How is that cool?"

"It's an adventure. It's fun on the island but you don't get stuff quite like this," Jade grinned. "Also, what's the deal with Friday the 13th here? Where I'm from, it’s just a holiday where superstitious people try to avoid bad luck. You know, walking under a step latter, black cats, breaking a mirror..."

"That's a bit strange, but I get the bad luck part," Karkat said, applying more gauze. "On Friday the 13th, it’s like the worst parts of the city get the incentive to go wild. Nothing major. Minor property damage, fires, the usual. Occasionally a mad scientist decides to release a giant sentient clock downtown. But if you're not careful, it can get so much worse."

"What do you mean?" Jade asked.

Karkat cut the last of the gauze and met her gaze, "Bandages are on. We have to go. Now."

"I- okay," Jade said, standing up and attempting to steady herself. "Should we just run or..?"

"I'm not sure, but-" Karkat began, before he were interrupted by a loud crash coming from the area of the store that Jade had pointed to before. He froze, and slowly turned his head to see a dull light emanating a couple of aisles down. "Shit," he whispered, "Someone else must've broken in."

"What should we do then?" Jade asked, "Just hide here? They'll see us if we try to leave."

"If they haven't already," Karkat said, "Look. I'll distract whoever's there while you get a head start. I'll me you in a few minutes."

"Um, in case you haven't noticed, all the people- people? People out there are lighting fires and we are surrounded by chemicals. Let's just try to sneak out without them noticing."

"I don't think-" Karkat started, but was cut off when the light began moving. "How about we just run and hope for the best?"

"Sounds good," Jade said, and the two immediately made a mad dash for the doorway.  
  
Just before he reached it, Karkat fell, feeling something catch on the leg of his pants. No, something grabbing it. Jade spun around, shouting something, but all the sound was gone, and everything was consumed by the white light.

* * *

"Wake up!"

Karkat gasped, feeling the familiar sensation of Diamonds lodging his shoe in his stomach.

"Wha- Where the hell am I?"

"You're in the kitchen," Clubs said. "Look, see, there's a stove right there!"

"No, I mean... what?" Karkat said, sitting up and looking around. Sure enough, he was lying on the very dirty floor of the Midnight Crew's kitchen area. A few feet away, Jade was also on the floor, looking just as confused as he felt.

"How the hell did we get here?!" Karkat said, jumping up in shock and looking around frantically. "We were just in a pharmacy!"

"Pharmacy? You're in a kitchen," Spades said. " _Kit-chen_."

"Shut up!"

"I think," Jade said, blinking. "I think that was Bec..."

"Your furry creature?"

"Yeah."

"Your furry creature can transport things?"

"I-" Jade paused, scrunching up her face in concentration. "I mean, I guess? I never really paid much attention to it..."

"How could you not pay attention to something like that?!"

"Oh knock it off you two," Spades grunted, "We've already boarded up all the windows, so I'm going to declare this shitty day over and go to bed.”

Spades left the room, with the rest of the Midnight Crew following suit. Karkat could hear the faint roar of the Friday the 13th hijinks happening just outside the boarded up window. Sitting on the kitchen floor, Karkat tried to process everything that had happened in the past two days. First some alien girl drops into his life out of nowhere. Then there is a shootout over pumpkin smuggling. And the night ends with a desperate battle run and some magic bullshit.

"I don't get it." he finally said, breaking the silence. "Why would Bec bring you here? I mean, he must've been the one to drop you here yesterday, right?"

"He must've been," Jade said, standing up and dusting himself off. "Maybe he knew you guys needed my help."

"To shoot up a warehouse?"

"That does seem a bit... “ Jade trailed off.“Well, I'm still here!” She said, “Maybe I haven't done what I'm supposed to do here yet!"

"I guess," Karkat said, though he was starting to suspect that they were overestimating this dog's abilities.

Jade walked to the entrance of the meeting room, before pausing and looking back. "If I'm gonna be here a while, I'm gonna need more than one set of clothes. So we're going to go shopping tomorrow."

"Can't you just wear some of my extra clothes?"

"I'm not wearing your underwear. Goodnight."

"Night," Karkat said, watching her disappear into the room. _We'll need to change her bandages again too,_ he mused.

That night, Karkat thought about a lot about Jade and her situation, doing mental gymnastics to try and explain some of the things that have happened ever since she showed up. At some point after Midnight, he decided to just talk to Sollux about it later and go to bed.

At the same time, a group of very distressed henchmen were freeing themselves from their gooey prisons so they could finish moving their product. After all, it wouldn't be long before the next phase of Snowman's plan would be put into action.


	2. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to get this up on Halloween, seeing as it is Halloween themed, but real life responsibilities like work and Netflix got involved so I'm posting it now. Sorry about that.
> 
> Thank you again to my awesome beta [friggingodess](http://danielgirl15.tumblr.com/) for going above and beyond and making this actually readable. Again, this is my first time writing Homestuck, so I'm sorry if anything seems OOC. I tried my best.

“I’m still amazed by how many things are the same as home,” Jade said, rushing over to another store window. “I can’t believe it. They even have jack-o-lanterns! How did that happen?”

Karkat leaned over her shoulder, “Here we call them Squashlights.”

“Wait, really?”

“No of course not,” Karkat grinned smugly, “We call them Jack-o-lanterns too.”

Jade stuck her tongue out at him. “I’m trying to have a serious discussion about this.”

“I could take you seriously if you weren’t wearing that monstrosity of a hoodie that Kanaya gave you,” Karkat retorted.

“Excuse you. I love this hoodie,” Jade said, passive-aggressively flipping the hood up over her head.

They continued to bicker as they hopped to different window displays.The pattern had become so familiar over the past couple of weeks that it was almost second nature.

After the disaster that was Friday the 13th, the Midnight Crew had given their undivided attention to figuring out a way to screw with the Felt. While burning down the warehouse a few days ago helped, arson could only heal Spades Slick's wounded pride so much.

An indirect result, however, was that Karkat was essentially put on standby since they weren't taking any clients - not even the bleeding, screaming ones that popped by every few days. Now that Jade was around, Karkat found himself spending a good chunk of his time showing her around the city and going to places he normally wouldn't have time to go, looking at the Halloween store windows being one of them.

"I'm still amazed how similar our calendars are," Jade said, "I mean, you guys have Friday the 13th _and_ Halloween."

Karkat shrugged. "I'm not sure if it’s as weird as you think. If anything, it means that the lore about the spirit world and all that crap may hold up more than it’s given credit for."

"Maybe," Jade said, "but it still seems unreal to me. Like both worlds were planned out by the same being.”

At that moment, a tan man in a green shirt shot out of an alley and ran down the street, arms flailing wildly. Jade jumped back in shock, turning to Karkat with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, that's the homeless guy who keeps asking everyone about some one-eyed chick," Karkat explained. "I think he's a carapacian who tried to dye his skin with markers in a bathtub and went insane."

"There are certainly a lot of interesting people here," Jade laughed. "Do you think we should pick up something for Kanaya? She's leaving today after all."

"Maybe. You just pick out something," Karkat said. "The last time I tried to give her something, it was a dud."

"Are you sure?" Jade asked. "I mean, I've known her less than a week so wouldn't you-"

"No, I mean it was an actual dud. I gave her this dead bug creature," Karkat grimaced. "She was able to turn it into jewelry, but still."

"Why would you give her a bug creature?"

"Because I wanted to give her a bug creature? What's it to you?"

Jade sighed, "Well, I know she likes fashion, and she really seems to like vampires... maybe something related to one of those?” She stooped and scanned the storefronts at the other end of the street. “Oh wait, what's in that window over there?"

"I don't know. But whatever it is, it’s as ugly as that necklace of teeth Hearts made," Karkat gagged. The store window did lack the charm of literally any other on the street. Instead of a festive look, the window dressers had gone for the complete opposite, making a display so gross looking that pedestrians crossed the street to avoid it.

"Hey, there might be some hidden gems in here," Jade said, unfazed. "Let's take a look around."

"I don't know..."

"Karkat. You gave her a dead bug creature before. This stuff isn't that much worse."

"But you admit it’s worse," Karkat said under his breath, following her in.

Despite what the front of the store implied, the inside was rather ordinary looking if a bit dark. Display cases containing jewelry and other trinkets filled the store. Sleeping behind the counter was a bored looking employee, decked out in some sort of half-assed bed sheet ghost costume.

If everything wasn't trapped behind a locked glass case, Karkat would've considering swiping something and running.

“Look at this one! It’s so pretty,” Jade said, peering into one of the cases. Peeking over her shoulder, Karkat saw that it was some kind of bracelet with pumpkin charms dangling off of it.

Karkat watched her stare at the bracelet for a few minutes, before walking over to the counter. “Hey, shopkeep!” He yelled, slamming his fist down on the counter in front of him.

The employee woke with a startled look on his face, stumbled onto the ground, and proceeded to fall asleep on the floor.

“Hey! What the hell kind of business are you running you sluggish shitass trash!”

“I apologize. I meant to take over for him ages ago.”

Karkat looked up to see a dark chess woman walk in from a back room. She was wearing a dress much too fancy for customer service work, as well as a bandana around her forehead.

Whoever this woman was, she really didn’t know how to properly run a business.

“I see you’re interested in the bracelet,” She said, nodding at the glass case.

“Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t,” Karkat said. “Depends on what you’re asking.”

“Oh, it’s an exquisite piece for sure. It’s one half of a set,” The woman explained, her voice straining as if she wasn’t used to using words like ‘exquisite,’ “The other one has more traditional green pumpkin charms, and I couldn’t bear it if the two were separated.”

“Really?” Jade asked, excitedly, scanning the shelves until she found it, “Oh it’s so beautiful…”

“How much for the set?” Karkat asked, annoyed that Jade had burned up whatever advantage he had in this negotiation with her very obvious enthusiasm.

“For both of them? 250 Boondollars.”

“Sold!” Jade yelled excitedly, reading into the pocket of her sweatshirt and pulling out a wad of the colorful currency.

“Wonderful. Let me get those for you,” The woman said, grinning.

* * *

“You just spent half of your money on that,” Katkat said, eyeing the small brown shopping bag in her hands with malice. They had finally finished their shopping, and were walking back to the Midnight Crew’s hideout.

“Yeah, but she’s gonna love this cape,”Jade said.

“I still don’t understand why we couldn’t each just give her one of those bracelets,” Karkat said.

“Because I wanted the bracelets,” Jade said. “Well, one of them anyway. Here, hold out your hand.”

“Wha- what the hell are you doing?” Karkat yelled, watching as Jade pulled the orange pumpkin dangle bracelet out of the shopping bag. “I don’t want any of that shitty gourd jewelry.”

“Too bad! You’re getting it,” Jade said, grabbing his arm forcefully.

“Never! Spades will gouge out my eyes! The pain those instruments of Felt bullshit inflicted on his pride is still fresh!”

“God, if Spades has an issue with it he can talk to me! Now hold still,” Jade hissed, straining to keep him from escaping her grasp.

“Fuck! Damnit! Stop it!”

“Got it!” Jade yelled out in victory. By now she had wrestled him to the ground and was doing a victory dance of sorts.

Karkat looked helplessly at the bracelet on his wrist, ignoring the stares of those goddamn chess idiots that populated the street.

"Why do you even want me to wear this?"

"You could at least say thanks," Jade said, dusting herself off, "I mean, I did spend my own money on it. I may need to ask Spades for more work to recoup the costs."

"Bullshit. The last time you helped on a job, you got those scars on your stomach," Karkat sneered, standing up. "And you never answered my question."

"Well, I wanted to thank you for taking me in,” Jade said, gesturing at the bracelet on his wrist. “You know, the orange pumpkins remind me of the ones I had in my greenhouse at home. And the green ones on mine remind me of the ones that are all over this city. I don't know, I guess I just hoped to have a keepsake for all this when I go home."

Karkat stared at her for a moment, before adding, "Yeah, but we still don't know when that would happen. We haven't seen your dog since Friday the 13th."

"Yeah, I don't know what to make of that," Jade laughed nervously, "Hopefully it'll become clear soon."

“When it does happen send me a postcard or something. I can add it to my list of bullshit places I’ll never visit.”

“Yeah, I’ll send you a picture of the volcano with the words ‘look at all this fucking lava’ on it,” Jade teased, lazily clasping her hands behind her head in a stretch. “I’m sure that’s what you would say anyway.”

“Excuse you, my words are poetry!”

“Then write Kanaya a poem. It’s much cheaper,” Jade laughed, skipping ahead and leaving him behind.

* * *

"Remember, we can't stay long," Karkat explained. "Kanaya has a lot of fashion industry people she needs to entertain and it would probably hurt her career if anyone found out she had connections to the Midnight Crew."

"I know, I know. I wish we could though," Jade pouted, pushing past a couple of carapacians blocking the entrance to the ballroom.

The party certainly was elegant. If Karkat cared about fashion he would have felt incredibly underdressed. That being said, he thought a lot of the current trends were ugly as shit anyway so it wouldn't matter.

"Karkat! Jade! I'm so glad you could come!" Kanaya said, wading through a crowd of people.

"Us and everyone else in the city," Karkat replied, scanning the sea of people that seemed to flood the ballroom. A vast majority were of the carapacian variety, and each one either adorned a ridiculous-looking hat or an unnecessarily poofy outfit.

"Calm down Karkat. I know you're not a huge fan of crowds," Kanaya said, giving him a hug before turning to Jade. "Jade, I managed to procure something similar to the potato chips that you spoke of the other day."

"Aw yes!" Jade pumped her fist into the air and dived into the crowd.

"She's going to drop the bags," Karkat muttered to himself.

"Oh, Don't be such a worrywart," Kanaya teased, a mischievous glint in her eye. "It's my last night here for at least two months and I just want to relax and have a good time. I wanted to spend Halloween with you this year but seeing as you have Jade now..."

"Come on Kanaya. You know Jade could never replace you."

Kanaya nodded, "Oh I know. I'm only your friend after all."

Karkat gave her a measured stare, "Eh?"

"Karkat, I'm surrounded by this stuff every day," Kanaya grinned. "I know there's something going on here."

"This isn't one of your weird relationship guru side projects," Karkat said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Me and Jade are just friends."

"Then who gave you that bracelet? I know you well enough to know that's not your taste in jewelry."

"Jade gave this to me but she had to beat me to the ground to do it," Karkat said defensively. "I mean, that girl's weirdly strong."

"Damn, she wanted you to have it that badly?" Kanaya said.

"Stop! I'm the romance academic here remember? If there was anything, I would've noticed ages ago."

"But that's the thing," Kanaya said. "You're not looking at it like an outside observer."

“Come on! I’ve only known her for two weeks,” he protested.

Kanaya held up her hands. “Fine. If you say so. But I’m sticking to my guns on this one. I need to work the room a little more, so we’ll discuss this later?”

Karkat scowled at her as she left, practically crowdsurfing her way to the other side of the room. He loved Kanaya dearly as a friend, but her psycho-analyzation could become a bit much sometimes.

Jade was over at one of the few Halloween-themed activities at this party: stabbing a guy made out of slime pods. Recently, it had become common practice for the one stabbing to be blind-folded, because one could only stab a guy made out of slime pods for so long without it getting boring. Jade was truly getting into the Halloween spirit, and managed to sever off his slimy hand on the first try.

After getting showered in sugary slime candy, Jade handed the knife off to a nervous-looking carapacians and bounded over to one of the waiters and eating several hors d’oeuvres at once in a horrifying display, drawing stares from those nearby.

Perhaps it was because Kanaya had planted the seed in his head or maybe it was because seeing large crowds become uncomfortable was almost always amusing. But when Jade looked back at him and waved, Karkat felt his chest tighten. It was like his internal organs had decided to revolt and were trying to force their way out of his body. Like how Lisa Simpleton felt when she met John Handsomeman in that romance novel…

_Fuck._

* * *

_“Oh Troll Karkat, Troll Karkat, where the fuck are thou?” Jade swooned, dressed up in some of the dumb denizen ceremonial pajamas. It seemed appropriate enough because she was in a tower._

_“Well shit, is that dame swooning for the impressive entity known as me?” Karkat sung back in perfect iambic pentameter somehow. “It is Jade, and Sollux is in the sun.”_

_“Dude just kiss her,” One of the suns replied in Sollux’s voice._

_“Please do it soon. This is exhausting,” the other said in Kanaya’s voice._

_“Fuck you suns!” Karkat yelled up at the sky. “I’m pontificating a romantic soliloquy of legendary romance here! Color commentary can go screw itself!”_

_“Karkat! Don’t fight the suns!” Jade swooned, before swooning too hard and falling off the balcony._

_“Nooooo! My beloved!” Karkat screamed._

“SHUT UP!”

Karkat shot up out of bed, falling onto the floor with a thud. “Ow.”

“Yeah ‘ow’ my fucking ears. Go to sleep!” Spades barked, rolling back over and dragging most of the sheets with him.

Karkat sighed and crawled back up, rubbing the back of his head. After Jade got injured, Karkat had forfeited his bed so that she could heal properly. Ever since, he’s been sharing a sleeping space with Spades Slick. It was… an experience to say the least.

“Spades,” Karkat asked. “Um, I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to sleep and everything-“

“What the hell is it?” Spades ask, rolling over and staring at him with a murderous gaze.

“It’s just… There’s this girl…”

“Ah,” Spades nodded, sitting up. “I knew I would need to give you this talk some day. Listen up.”

Karkat sat up, “I’m listening.”

“Okay, now women are mysterious and calculating creatures. Before you do anything you need to have a plan. You need to make her know that this is an intimate moment between you and her. And then, when the time is just right, you start stabbing her. “

“What.”

“Don’t feel guilty, because she came to this party to take you out too and she has a knife or a gun.”

“Slick no.”

“You need to be ready to get rid of it-“

“Spades!” Karkat shouted. “I think I like someone okay?”

Spades stared at him before sneering, “Oh. Is that it? Just read a book or something. I’m not teaching you about your weird messed up body.”

Karkat groaned unhappily as Spades turned over and went back to sleep. Lying down, he stared up at the ceiling, trying to figure this all out.

The past couple of days had been awkward. Every time he saw her do something funny or gross or ordinary, he felt his chest tighten like all of his internal organs were rupturing, having failed in their escape attempt. After double checking to make sure that they weren’t, in fact, rupturing, he did his best to limit the time he spent around her.

 _She’s an alien_ , He reasoned to himself. _She’s too different from me. Plus she isn’t staying. Her freaking dog is going to zap her away any day now._

That line of thinking was the wrong approach, because his stomach was in knots over the possibility that she wouldn’t be there when he woke up tomorrow.

* * *

Karkat didn’t get much sleep after that, and when Clubs Deuce and Diamonds Droog cheerfully greeted him the next morning he wanted to beat them to death with a skillet.

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Karkat asked Diamonds, eying him suspiciously.

“Are you kidding? Today’s Halloween! And Halloween means mischief,” he grinned, cocking a shotgun.

“And it also means a job,” Spades added, pushing past Karkat into the kitchen. “I just got the call from Karkat’s tech loser friend. Turns out the Felt will be gathered in Lord English’s mansion. He’s not going to be there but the rest of the Felt will be. This is our chance to take them out in a coordinated attack.”

"What do you mean 'coordinated attack'?" Karkat asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Arson? Guns? Axes?"

"Vantas, get in into the Halloween spirit," Diamonds snapped, "It's everything, right?"

"Exactly," Spades grinned. “But this time we're going to surround the perimeter and just go nuts. No more of that stealth bullshit that got everyone captured."

"Yeah. That makes sense," Karkat sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, that reminds me," Clubs said, tossing Karkat some kind of com device. "You'll be on call just in case. But we want you and the girl at the town festival in case something happens."

"Wait, I get to go to the festival this year?" Karkat asked, turning to Spades. "I never get to go to the festival unless it’s on fire."

"Just have fun while you can, kid. You'll be putting out fires soon enough," Spades said, taking a bite out of his bagel before chucking it at Clubs. "I SAID NO SLIME BAGELS."

"Morning, everyone," Jade said, emerging from Karkat's room and stretching.

"Get dressed, Harley," Diamonds said, tossing her a small blaster. "You and Vantas are going to the festival this afternoon and you need to be briefed. When Hearts finishes prepping the mission, the rest of us are gonna move out to the Felt's lair."

"Radio him to bring his safe-cracking equipment too," Spades ordered. "We're going into the Felt's headquarters. Who knows what we might find."

While the Midnight Crew continued to jabber away about attacking the Felt and the immense drawbacks of slime bagels, Jade turned to Karkat, beaming.

"I can't believe we're going to a Halloween festival on an alien planet. Well, for me it's an alien planet! This is so exciting!"

"Don't get too excited. We're doing recon. The Felt might be doing something at the festival. Like selling poisoned apples or something."

"What is the Felt's deal anyway?" Jade asked. "I mean, it just seems like they like causing trouble and it doesn't seem like they make money off of it."

"The Felt does what it does because its leader is nuts and Snowman likes watching us dance like lizards with heatstroke," Karkat explained. "Hell, the only reason the Midnight Crew are considered the good guys here is because the Felt is so awful."

"Huh," Jade said, crossing her arms. "Well, I guess it can't be helped then. Should we wear matching costumes to the festival then?"

Karkat stared at her, "Um, what?"

"I'm joking you idiot," Jade smirked. "I know we should be wearing normal clothes in case something happens. It's not like we can afford costumes anyway."

"Heh, yeah," Karkat said awkwardly, not entirely sure how to respond.

"But seriously though," Jade said, turning around, "I'm gonna go take a quick bath and then have some coffee or something. You should get ready too.

* * *

"I don't get why you're so worked up."

"But that's just it. I have no idea why I'm so worked up about this either!" Karkat barked at the screen. He was already trying on his fourth outfit and both he and Sollux were growing more impatient with each passing moment.

"Dude. That looks fine. Now chill," Sollux said. "I mean, you said you didn't like her right?"

"Of course I don't like her! She's too damn optimistic."

"Please. You think Spades is too damn optimistic."

"He _is_ too damn optimistic if he thinks he's going to take out the Felt tonight."

"Yeah, well..." Sollux adjusted his glasses. "We're getting off topic here. I think you do like her and you're in denial abou- Damnit that shirt was fine!"

"No it wasn't. It was too... Kanaya would say ‘loud,’" Karkat mumbled, digging through a pile of clothing. "Not that she's any expert either."

"She's a fashion designer."

"I mean with relationships," Karkat snapped, pulling on a red t-shirt.

"Wh- ohhhh," Sollux grinned. "She thinks you like Jade too."

"Shut up! I told you, I don't like her."

"You're protesting way too much about this."

"I always protest. I'm a _huge asshole_ remember?"

"Yeah... but usually not this much."

"Okay look!" Karkat shouted, before closing his eyes and slowing his breathing. "I'm... I don't know how I feel about her. I've never felt this way before, It pisses me off, you know?"

“That was surprisingly honest.”

“You’re my friend and I talk to my friends about my problems,” Karkat said, “Is it that fucking surprising?”

“No, I guess not,” Sollux admitted. “Okay, try to get a gauge of how she feels about you, and then talk to her about how you feel.”

* * *

 _How the hell am I supposed to tell if she likes me?_ Karkat wondered, shoving his hands in his pockets. Wearing a sweatshirt was a good decision, as the hard cold wind hit him.

That didn’t make the Halloween festival any less of a hit. The town was crowded with more denizens than Karkat had seen in his whole life, and each corner seemed to have some kind of huge attraction that boggled the mind and scared the soul.

Jade had already eaten her own weight in slime candy apples and was dragging him to the next attraction. “This haunted house looks so cool! I want to see what kind of monsters are considered ‘scary’ here!”

“Jade I want to take a break. We’ve been-“

“Oh come on,” Jade sighed, hooking her arm underneath his and holding his hand. “If you’re scared by the monsters, I’ll protect you.”

Karkat nearly passed out from all the blood rushing to his face as Jade dragged him inside.

By the time they exited thirty minutes later, he was feeling much more… relaxed? The haunted house was pretty scary, but both of them ended up screaming their heads off at one point or another.

“Oh man! That was just what I needed,” Jade grinned. “The one dressed up as the vampire was so… um… Karkat? We’re outside. You can let go of my hand.”

“Uh, yeah,” Karkat said, sheepishly letting go.

“What? No longwinded, overly-complicated retort?” Jade tilted her head. “Did the slime cider give you food poisioning or something?”

“No. It’s just that…” Karkat mumbled, fixating on the ground as much as possible.

“I know what will cheer you up!” Jade piped up. “We should check out that creepy jewelry store where we got our bracelets. Maybe we can get you a matching choker!”

“Jade I-“

“Catch up!” She yelled, dashing over to the shop.

 _Fuck_ , Karkat thought. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Jade clearly felt something for him, but it was difficult to tell whether or not it was romantic in nature. And being so completely honest in front of her felt like being stabbed in the chest with Diamonds’ entire knife collection.

The shop looked as bleak as ever. The gross display had been replaced by a simple silhouette of a pumpkin and nothing else. Karkat wondered how the hell they managed to pay rent on this place, because all things considered, it was in a pretty good location.

“Damn it. It’s locked,” Jade sighed, letting go of the door handle. “I guess we can try going somewhere else.”

“Jade, listen.” Karkat took a deep breath and grabbed her by the shoulders. “I really need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay… is something wrong?” Jade asked, looking a bit thrown.

“Um… well… the thing is… the past few days I think…” Karkat stammered, “I mean, I think I might like…” Karkat averted his eyes from Jade out of nerves, and something caught his eye.

Through the window and the tacky display, Karkat could see the shopowner walking across the store talking on a phone. Karkat wouldn’t have taken notice, except without her head scarf she looked just like-.

“Snowman!”

“Eh?” Jade said, blinking profusely. “I’m sorry, you like Snowman? Spades is gonna gut you like a-“

“No! She’s inside! She’s the shop owner!”

“What?!” Jade exclaimed, peering through the window as well. “…Does she sell jewelry for fun?”

“Of course not. It’s a front of some kind,” Karkat explained, fishing the com device out of his pocket.

“But wait… What were you going to tell me?” Jade asked, looking over at him.

“A little busy at the moment.”

“What was it?”

“Not now!”

“Karkat-!”

“I like you okay,” Karkat yelled, “Like, a lot. _A lot_ a lot.”

Jade stared at him, stunned, and Karkat immediately turned around, his face completely red.

“Diamonds,” he said into the com device as calmly as he could manage. “Snowman is here at the festival. It looks like they’re using a jewelry store as a front for whatever they’re planning.”

“And that’s enough. Can’t give them too much information now can we?”

Karkat turned around and saw Snowman looming over him, holding Jade in a vice grip. “What the- Let go of her!”

“I will. Once the plan is put into motion… now.” Snowman snapped her fingers, and the ground began to shake.

“What is this?” Jade yelled out, struggling to break free from Snowman’s grasp.

Snowman didn’t have to answer, because at that moment, the front wall of the Jewelry shop sank into the ground, leaving an opening that allowed for large, orange creatures to roam out.

“PUMPKIN MONSTERS?” Karkat yelled. “That’s your big plan?”

The monsters were indeed giant pumpkins. Each one was roughly the size of a street kiosk, and had a face reminiscent of a Jack-o-lantern’s. Jutting out from their stem was a cluster of vines that split off toward the ground and functioned as feet. There must have been a dozen of them, each wearing the same, stupid expression.

“That’s so … stupid looking” Karkat added, watching as one of them knocked over a trash can and began laughed menacingly. Considering it couldn’t change its expression it wasn’t – in fact, very menacing.

“Oh, you don’t understand. Once they spread around the city and start throwing rocks through windows, setting kiosks on fire, and inconveniencing public servants, the city will be in shambles.”

“You just described what the Midnight Crew do every day,” Jade deadpanned, causing Snowman to toss her at Karkat.

“There’s also another interesting trick they can do,” Snowman said, pointing her finger up to the sky.

Almost immediately, Karkat felt himself grow dizzy.

“What’s the hell!” he heard Jade yell, and saw one of the pumpkins grow in size until it was at least the size of one of the smaller buildings.

“Jade,” Karkat said, his vision getting blurry.

“Karkat? Karkat!” Jade began shaking him, and his vision returned, albeit spinning, and then flickered out again.

The last thing he heard was the com in his hand buzz as it hit the ground.

* * *

“Wake up! Wake the hell up!”

Karkat blinked, turning over and facing a very delicious-looking and decorative Halloween cake.

“Thank god,” he heard Jade sigh, and he immediately sat up and looked around.

He was lying on the counter of some kind of cake shop, and a carapacian he didn’t recognize was leaning over him, bandaging his wrist. Spades and Jade stood a few feet away, watching them.

“What the hell happened?”

“The bracelet,” Spades nodded at his wrist. “The Felt were using it to drain your energy to power their weird pumpkin growing thing. A few others around town collapsed like you did.”

“What,” Karkat blinked, turning to Jade. “How come-“

“I wasn’t affected?” Jade said, holding up her bracelet and then placing it on the counter in front of him. “I wasn’t wearing mine today. Clubs dropped this off on their way here.”

“The mansion was deserted. We destroyed a few dozen grandfather clocks though. When we got your distress signal we regrouped and came here. Just in time to save your hand apparently,” Spades nodded at his bandaged wrist. “Ms. Paint here was gracious enough to lend us her shop and Baked Alaskatorch to get it off you.”

Karkat looked at Ms. Paint, who was smiling sweetly at them.

“Thanks.” he said, and she nodded silently.

Spades coughed, blushing slightly. “In any case, we need to get back out there. There are more pumpkins than before and they are destroying everything!”

“Diamonds hooked us up with these,” Jade said, tossing a laser gun to Karkat’s good hand. “Let’s get going!”

“But... Jade.”

“I’ll be fine. Come on!” She said, waving him on as she ran out.

Karkat turned to Spades but he just nodded towards the door, his attention focuses on Ms. Paint. _Ironic_.

“I’m not teaching you about your gross body!” Karkat mocked his employer as he ran out the shop, and Spades practically fell onto one of the displays.

* * *

“Jade, wait.”

“Not now Karkat. Smashing pumpkins here,” Jade replied, using the laser gun to blast a nearby Pumpkin Creature.

“But Jade, listen, I was gonna say-“

Jade stopped shooting and lowered her weapon, turning towards him, “It doesn’t matter.”

Karkat felt his stomach drop, “W-why?”

“I’m leaving soon,” she said, turning away from him and blasting at another pumpkin. “Once I’m gone, we’ll have no way to communicate – god knows I’ve been trying to contact earth – and then… it won’t matter how either of us feels.”

“But how _do_ you feel?” Karkat asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Jade stiffened, “I- I do, um, like you. But like I said it doesn’t matter.” She turned to him, her face serious. “Come on. Let’s go blow up some monsters.”

Karkat let his hand fall, watching her run off to blast a pumpkin that had started to gnaw on a woman’s foot across the street. He felt like he had just been punched in the stomach repeatedly, but at the same time, he felt… lighter somehow.

 _She likes me_ , Karkat thought silently to himself. _She likes me!_

A grin spreading across his face, he turned and raced towards the nearest pumpkin, ready to fire.

* * *

After about an hour, the Midnight Crew had managed to destroy all of the smaller pumpkins that were roaming the street. However, that did not mitigate a much larger problem.

“There’s three of those huge pumpkins left,” Spades explained, briefing his troops in the middle of the deserted street. “Hearts has come up with a way to destroy them, but we need everyone, and it needs to be coordinated as shit.”

Karkat nodded, using all his willpower not to turn and stare at Jade. She had done her best to avoid making eye contact with him since they last spoke, but Karkat had caught her staring at him a few minutes before, and she started blushing redder like the fire that the pumpkins were literally setting all over town.

“Yo, can you guys hear me?”

Karkat snapped to attention. “Sollux? What the fuck? _Where_ the fuck?”

“If you had bothered to listen to anything I just said,” Spades hissed, pointing to his com, “You’d know that Captor is going to be monitoring our positions and giving us updates through these headsets.” Spades unceremoniously threw a cluster of headsets in the general direction of the group.

“Watch it! Those cost serious boon!” Sollux yelled.

“Yeah, yeah!” Spades waved dismissively. “Here’s the plan. We’re going to enter the pumpkins through one of their hollow eyes and plant one of these explosive charges inside them. After they are activated, you have exactly three minutes to get out of there before they explode. Any questions?”

“Yeah, I have several,” Karkat said, raising his hand. “Mostly though I’m wondering how the ever-loving fuck you expect us to climb into the eye of one of those overly-stimulated gourdy pieces of mold-magnets?”

Spades grinned, “I’m glad you asked.”

* * *

“We’re gonna fucking die,” Karkat said, staring in horror off the side of the building. Jade held up a grappling hook and aimed it at the pumpkin that was steadily approaching their position, baited by the presence of an old, neon billboard that Sollux managed to get working again. Karkat glanced back at the bag on his back, hoping that it wouldn’t get detonated early by accident.

“We _will,_ with that attitude,” Jade snapped. “I know what I’m doing. I’ve used something like this before.”

“You’ve used a grappling hook on a giant sentient pumpkin bent on destruction?”

“Well no…”

“Will you guys stop being so precious and focus?” Sollux said into the ear mic, making Karkat jump.

“Yeah sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “What’s the status report?”

“The other two teams have successfully deployed their bombs. First detonation happening… now”

Sure enough, Karkat could hear an explosion in the distance. Their own target began speeding up towards the building.

“Shit!” Jade swore. “We have to go now. Grab onto me!”

Karkat ran over to Jade, stopping awkwardly and moving his hands up and down, unsure where to grab onto.

“Over my _shoulders_!” She shouted. Just as Karkat hooked his arms over her, she fired the grappling hook straight at the eye of the pumpkin.

The grappling hook caught hold, but they were propelled deep inside the hollow creature, looping back and hitting the soft shell that lay between the nose and eyes.

“Ow,” Jade said, releasing her grip a bit and lowering them down onto the edge of the nose hole. The creature itself didn’t seem to register that they were there, and was still fixated on the glowing neon sign.

Karkat let go of her and immediately began fishing for the bomb in his bag. The device itself was a relatively simple one in design. It acted like a suction cup and once attached, wove itself into the flesh of the pumpkin so it wouldn’t get shaken off.

“Okay, listen,” Karkat said, securing the bomb and flipping the detonator switch. “We’re going to need to talk about this at some point. I mean, we do this stuff together and-“

“Karkat-“

“I know I could’ve handled this better but-“

“Watch out!”

Karkat looked up to see vines jutting down from the top of the pumpkin and rushing towards them. Before he could move, it had wrapped itself around his leg and lifted him up in the air. He yelled and attempted to rip it off, but his arms flailed uselessly as his injured hand began to sear with pain. “Crap!”

He looked around, and spotted Jade next to him, the vines wrapped around her waist.

“Jade - ow! - are you okay?”

“What does it look like?” Jade said, struggling to break free. Instead, the vines appeared to tighten, and Jade let out a deep exhale.

“You guys need to get out of there!” Sollux yelled into his ear mic. “The bomb is set. You only have two minutes left and if you’re this close to it-“

“I get it!” Karkat said, his voice choking. “But these vines…”

“Karkat!” Jade yelled. “Swing yourself near me. I have an idea!”

It could a few seconds, but Karkat was able to swing close enough to Jade that she could grab his other leg.

“Jade, I-“ Karkat stammered, unsure exactly what to say. Just his luck. He confessed to a girl, he gets attacked, and then they both end up in mortal peril.

“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Jade said, prodding at his leg which was tied up by the vines.

“Jade, I just want to say it at least once before we die. I like you. I feel like I could love you. I don’t – never – say stuff like this okay? So if we live-“

Jade yanked him up by the shirt. “I like you too. But it’s time. I know why I was sent here.”

“Wha-“

“This is gonna hurt.”

Before Karkat new what was happening, Jade has pulled his face up and was kissing him. It wasn’t a soft, tender, romantic kiss like in the books he read. Hell, he was looking at her neck. But it still sent a shock of electricity up his spine. His heart beat faster, and he felt like if death were to take him now, on some level he would be okay with it, because he managed to experience this.

Of course, until there was a searing shot of pain on his leg.

“Ow!” Karkat screamed, breaking the kiss. Candy red blood dripped down on him.

“I like you Karkat,” Jade said in a whisper, barely audible over the chaotic sounds around them, “So hold on tight and help me save you.”

Karkat blinked, and Jade launched the grappling hook through the Pumpkin’s eye and onto a building outside. She shoved the launcher into his hand, and he felt the pressure around his leg fall away completely.

“Jade.”

“Go!” She said, grabbing his hand and gripping the handle, causing the device to forcefully propel him out of the pumpkin.

“No!” Karkat screamed, as twisting his head and trying to catch a glimpse of her. _This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening._

A flash of white light momentarily blinded him, and he felt himself smash against the side of the building. The Pumpkin creature lumbered by, and then exploded.

* * *

Karkat felt numb.

He wasn’t sure how long he had felt numb. All he knew was that he was lying on the roof of a building when Hearts and Diamonds found him. He didn’t register any of what they said, and frankly didn’t care.

_She’s dead._

_she’s dead._

_shes dead_

_shesdeadshesdead,_ Karkat hummed in his head, feeling as if all the stars in the sky above him were about to crash down in a grand explosion.

At some point Clubs showed up and tried talking to him, but Karkat ignored him too.

 _If I had just shut up and set the bomb she’d still be here_ , Karkat thought, the pit in his stomach creeping up and stabbing at his brain.

_If I had been paying attention she’d still be here._

_This can’t be happening._

_This can’t..._

“Karkat?”

Spades knelt down beside him and started shaking him. “Hey kid? Where’s Jade?”

Everything starting rushing. Karkat could feel every emotion he’d been suppressing come bubbling to the surface. All the insecurity, infatuation, confusion, lust, love – it all started burning up on his tongue and he started to scream.

And he kept screaming, grabbing onto Spades leg like the vines grabbed onto him so he wouldn’t fall.

* * *

Kanaya canceled a meeting for the first time in her life.

She said it was  cancelled because the designer she was working with got sick, but Karkat knew better.

It had been a week since Halloween, and everything had returned to the way it was before - without Jade. But it still felt like a piece of it all had been forcibly ripped away. Now none of the other pieces fit as well as they used to.

Karkat could move again. He would get up, take a bath, eat, do repetitive, monotonous chores, and then go to bed, only to wake up the next day and repeat the same cycle. Sollux tried to talk about what had happened – after all, he heard some of it go down on the earpiece, but he hadn’t heard anything after Jade had told Karkat to swing over towards her. And that was the most important part, after all.

And now Kanaya was sitting at the foot of his bed, trying to get him to talk about it, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to cry. He hadn’t cried when Jade had died, he only screamed. And when he was finished screaming he felt hollow, and he had felt hollow ever since. The only alternatives were focusing on the pain in his leg or his wrist, but they only served as physical reminders of what had happened.

“I need to go get the mail,” Karkat said, getting up and brushing past her before she could say anything.

Karkat aggressively ignored the hole Jade had blasted in the kitchen wall just a few weeks ago. He was sure Diamonds was in the other room looking at his weapons, but the only other figure in the kitchen was Spades Slick, who looked at him with the hard look he always gave him, and that somehow make Karkat feel the tiniest bit better. After they had found Jade, Spades apparently went to every Felt hideout they knew about and made sure they burned. They might not have been able to catch Snowman, and without places to watch it would be harder to find her, but now it would be next to impossible for them to pull of anything of this scale anytime in the next few months.

It wasn’t until he had his hand on the door that Spades spoke.

“Look, Karkat, in my lifetime I’ve lost dozens of people, and it’s hard and it’s awful. It doesn’t get less awful with time, it’s just that you get used to it.” Karkat heard Spades sigh. “Just… find something, some hope, to hold on to, and you’ll make it through this.”

Karkat walked outside and slammed the door without another word.

The charms of the pumpkin bracelet dangled around his good wrist. The green charms belonged to Jade, but she didn’t have it with her when she left. Now that the Felt’s plan had literally blown up in their faces, the bracelet was just a bracelet. The only thing significant about it was that it wasn’t around Jade’s wrist.

Opening the mailbox, Karkat couldn’t help but start to think about what they had joked about that day at the shopping plaza. _Sending postcards?_ He thought wearily _We wasted all our time talking about dumb stuff like that. Why would I-_

Karkat dropped all the mail, save for one item clutched in his hand that made his body heat up, as if reanimated from a cold winter’s sleep.

It was a picture of a volcano. It was the foreground that interested him though.

In the foreground was Jade, with her arm around some kind of white fuzzy creature, a smile on her face.

Karkat desperately turned it over, palms sweating. _This can’t be real, can it?_

The letter was scrawled out in Jade’s chicken scratch…

_Karkat_

_I was right. Bec came back. He just cut it a little close._

_I’m home now. Bec has been taking care of me. I think my insomnia kicked in again, so I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep. I hope it wasn’t long, and I hope you’re not worried._

_I hope your leg is feeling better too!_

_~~I don’t have much room left, so I just want to say that I’m sorry for how everything went down. If the situation had been different~~ _ _If I could come back... I don’t think Bec would take me back. Not now anyway. Your world is dangerous! I’m still not entirely sure why he sent me there but I’m glad he did. Because I got to meet you._

_I love you Karkat._

_I know that’s rushing things, and I know you only said you liked me, and it’s probably too soon to use a word like that, but I know if I had stayed I’d have said it, and I would’ve said it a lot._

_also look at all this fucking lava!! happy halloween!! :)_

_Love,_

_Jade_

Karkat threw his hands up in the air and screamed, but what came out of his mouth was a joyous scream. She was alive! She was really and truly alive. Spades and Kanaya immediately ran outside and he rushed over and hugged them, screaming something incoherent. And suddenly, for the first time in a long time, he started to cry.

Happy Halloween indeed.


End file.
